A God appointment

Since leaving the old group and beginning this new one it’s been slow going.  It began with only me and one lady.  For weeks it was just the two of us and that was ok with me.  Then my friend from the old group who had left that group a while back decided to come join us.  Since then we’ve been visited by one other lady and I’m hoping she will return.  But last night was something that only God could have put together. 

Two ladies showed up at the old group last night.  They were in dire need of a group but as the new layout of that group goes, they had to be turned away.  However, because my group meets at exactly the same time and night, they were redirected to us. 

Now I am sure that having this group is exactly what God has appointed. 

Expect the Unexpected

Expect the unexpected.  How many times have you heard that?  And how many times have you seen an answer or a blessing happen in exactly the opposite way that you expected it?  Can you think of one?   

My children and I were on our way to
Bowling Green yesterday to visit my Aunt and Uncle when my 11 year old started asking questions about dinosaurs.  He wanted to know the exact purpose for dinosaurs and exactly how they became extinct.  Unfortunately for my children when questions like that arise, Mama begins to get philosophical and it all turns into one huge lesson about God and the Bible.  J  Can’t help it.  It just happens!  J  

So, I began explaining how scientists tend to think they have it all completely figured out such as exactly how certain dinosaurs must have looked and what they ate based on bones they meticulously puzzle-pieced together and added muscle mass and skin.  How could they have really known for sure?  There are no pictures.  How could they really know? 

That explanation went on to how humans expect one thing and God gives another.  Case in point, humans expected a great and mighty warrior to come save them.  God gave a baby in a stable.   

Our 12 Step Journey begins with expectations.  Some of us imagined we’d be completely changed when we finished the 12^th step.  We’d be strong and wouldn’t allow anyone to ever walk all over us again!  As for me, I certainly did not become invincible but I did change.  I am better able to deal with the troubles of this life now than I was before.  Some of us have felt they haven’t changed at all but when the rest of us watch and remember the first time we met, we see a world of change!   

Whatever your expectations of how you will change, don’t be surprised when things are completely different from what you expect.  Expect the unexpected and see that the unexpected is far better than you ever expected in the first place! 

Walking Testimonies

I think I’ve shared this before but I’ll share it again.  Many years ago when I was in my 20’s I began my journey to recovery.  Of course, at the time I had no idea that the process was beginning.  All I knew was that suddenly everything was turning upside down.  I was beginning to face certain abuses at the hands of my father and it was time to stop pretending that it didn’t really bother me or had not affected me in a negative way.  There were other things going on at the time as well and I was really feeling like the world was crashing down on me and I was completely powerless to stop it.  I remember praying as I was driving one day.  (Drive time is my favorite time for prayer. J )  I asked God, “Why do I have to go through this?”  As I prayed that prayer a thought came into the back of my head.  “Because you’ll need it someday.”  That was odd.  How in the world would I need this someday?  The notion was completely ridiculous to me at the time.  It’s not so ridiculous now.   

I have learned since that every experience of abuse, every bad choice I’ve made, every horrible and filthy thing I’ve ever done, has been covered in Gods grace in such a way that now I draw from those experiences to help others and show them that they can find healing through Christ.  Each of us have a unique set of circumstances in our lives that God can and will use to help someone else through the same type situation if we let Him. 

Consider this….that which we are ashamed of and embarrassed by now, may already be affecting someone else in a positive way because they see how we have gone through it and how our lives have changed for the better.  For instance, when you feel like everyone is snickering behind your back because they all know what you’ve done, think of that one person who isn’t snickering because they are in that very same boat and they are watching you to see how you’ve dealt with it.  You may be bringing someone to Christ just by how you are living your life in spite of the obstacles you face!  I don’t know about you but for me, that is one big selah moment!  Stop and think about that!   

For we know that all things work together for good to them that love God.” –Rom. 8:28

Cinderella

Remember Cinderella when she was all dirty and wearing ragged clothes?  Then her fairy godmother waved her wand and in an amazing, sparkling, transformation, Cinderella’s clothes turned into the most beautiful ball gown and she was completely clean with perfect hair, perfect face, even down to the tiniest detail!  Wow!  When you were a little girl, did you ever dream of being a princess?  Did you dance in front of your mirror or pose like a model?  Did you long for that handsome prince to notice you? 

Well, you’re all grown up now.  Childhood dreams and fantasies have melted away into colorless swirls of nothingness.  Mirrors are not for dancing or posing in front of anymore.  Mirrors are more a dreaded thing now.  It seems I can’t look in my mirror without sneering at myself.  No matter what I am wearing or how much makeup I have on, nothing covers the filth that clings to the very depths of my soul.  I’m not worth loving.  I’m not beautiful.  I’m not even likeable!  These phrases are replayed in my mind every single time I look at myself in the mirror!  And of course, to make it worse I think, “Is it any wonder I’m so screwed up?” 

The truth of the matter is this…I’m not so screwed up after all.  I’m not so filthy after all!  My reality is that I am a product of my upbringing, the words that were spoken over me, the subtle and the not so subtle abuses done to me.  Who I am now is a result of how I was treated as a child and who influenced my thinking.  It isn’t my fault that I can’t get clean from all the filth of my past!   No, it isn’t my fault that life happened to me the way it happened.  But it is my responsibility to recognize that life did happen to me, regardless of whose fault it was and to recognize that my negative behavior patterns can be turned into positive behavior patterns.  My past wasn’t meant to hold me captive but I was meant to hold my past captive!  Think about that!

Certain key words came up last night that I think will help me in holding my past captive.  They were recycling, reacting, and recovering. 

Recycling because I find that I constantly run back to the same old destructive cycle of longing for that relationship that could have worked if only I had been a better person.  (Never mind the fact that the person on the other side of that relationship was pretty messed up themselves!)

Reacting because I act the same way over and over again to the same triggers over and over again! 

Recovering because I am covering the issues up over and over again by learning from them and trying to move past them. 

But you see, it’s all “RE.”  It’s all over and over again!  It never ends.  I will recycle and react until the day I learn to take the prefix off those words and just cycle and act!  That day is coming! 

But how do I get to that point?  Number one, is the first three steps of the 12 steps.  Admit I’m powerless, believe that God can restore me to sanity, and make the decision to hand it all over to Him! 

Number two is to continue on with my steps because one day I will be just like Cinderella!  One day all the filth of my ragged life will be completely transformed into a bright and sparkling ball gown.  One day instead of sneering at myself in the mirror  I’ll dance in front of that mirror again and I’ll pose again and I’ll see the same beautiful princess that God sees when He looks at me.  Now…….think about that!

Jesus truly understands

Oh, what a beautiful morning and what a lovely day it is going to be!  This is the day that the Lord has made!  Let us rejoice and be glad in it!   It is still unfamiliar territory for me to think about Jesus’ life here on earth.  To think that He could possibly know how it feels to have rage build up inside and want to take it out on everyone around.  Or how it feels to want to drown the stresses of the day with alcohol or drugs.  How could Jesus, my Savior, know what it means to want to feel loved so badly that he would have been tempted to act upon those feelings with a woman?  It boggles my mind to really, fully, digest that concept that no matter what pains, desires, or addictions, I have ever felt in my life, (even those I’ve not felt yet,) Jesus has already experienced them, and worse, and He understands.  Because He understands, He is able to deal with me gently on these issues.  He’s not waiting with gavel in hand, ready to smack me down when I am not strong enough to stand against my temptations, He’s holding his hand out to me and whispering, “We can get through this together.”   The Bible says that we, the church, are the body of Christ.  There’s a song by Casting Crowns that says …..But if we are the body
Why aren’t His arms reaching?
Why aren’t His hands healing?
Why aren’t His words teaching?
And if we are the body
Why aren’t His feet going?
Why is His love not showing them there is a way?
There is a way There is a way girls.  Let Jesus reach out to you through the hands of a fellow 12 Stepper.  Let Jesus reach out through you to a fellow 12 Stepper.  It doesn’t matter where you’ve been, who you are, what you’ve done, who did what to you, what you’ve felt, who you’ve hurt.  Jesus is holding His hand out to you and He’s whispering, “I’m here, I know, I’ve been there, I understand.  We can get through this together.” 

Adam and Eve’s Salvation

 Adam and Eve must have felt so horrible when God cast them out of their perfect home.  Think of it, they had it all.  They had complete peace, complete happiness.  They had direct relationship with God Himself.  Their home was beautiful beyond anything you or I could ever dream or imagine.  But they made a wrong choice and they sinned.  God casting them out of the garden was not only the consequences for their actions but it was also Him working something that was meant to destroy them for their good. 

  I’m sure they were devastated to lose their home and all they had enjoyed for so long.  I’m sure they went through a time of mourning and certainly they must have gone through a time of beating themselves up for what they had done.  But did they see the mercy?  Did they see what God was working for their good in all of that?  Probably not.  Nobody sees it when they are in the pain of going through it.  But after a while I’m sure their pain began to ease as God continued to love them in spite of their anger at themselves for what they had done.  And after a while, I wonder, did that pain go away?  Did they see the grace of God in His judgment to send them out of the garden into this barren world?  Did they ever see, did they ever fully understand that the reason they had to be cast out was so important?  Did they ever glimpse the implications of what would have happened had God allowed them to stay and have access to the tree of life?  Did they ever realize that if they had eaten from the tree of life they would never have died?  And if they, knowing not only good but evil as well, were to live forever in the flesh, they would be imprisoned, in chains to a world of pain, on this earth, never to be allowed to enter the Kingdom of Heaven…never to rest in the arms of Jesus…never to know what living without pain would be like, for all of eternity.   

So, in sending them out of the garden, God saved them.  And you know what?  He’s still sending his people out to save them.  God loved Adam and Eve beyond measure.  They were the first born, the only two people created by the very hand of God, not out of the natural order of all God has created life to be.   They were perfection to Him.  And yet, when they sinned, He loved them still.  He loved them so deeply He could not allow them to spend eternity separated from Him.  He provided them with a way back to Him.   

Looking at the story of Adam and Eve from this angle, can you relate?