Offense

Offense is something that just wants to continue plaguing me.  Every time I turn around someone has offended me and that’s really frustrating to me.  Being a recovering co-dependant I have begun to recognize the signs of old, destructive behaviors and I try to use the tools I’ve learned in the 12 Steps to apply positive behaviors instead.  Oh, how hard that is sometimes! 

My church is taking a path that I am not in agreement with.  They’ve started this big campaign to raise funds for building a larger sanctuary and yet I firmly believe the space we have is plenty given the fact that the sermons are taped and played on big screens in two huge sancturaries already, with only three chances per week to worship.  Why not add services?  The pastor wouldn’t even have to be there for all of them.  Why spend money to have our church on TV when that money could be spent on the building project?  We are a very rich church and personally, I’m not seeing the necessity of this whole campaign which is costing a fortune in it’s own right.  And so, I am offended. 

How should I react to this?  My old behaviors would have been to try to control.  Even though I have no say so in the direction of this huge church I could have at least worked on my friends to try to control how they would feel.  And then there is gossip.  I am quite good at gossip and it comes as natural as breathing when I’m angry.  No, I will choose a different route this time. 

I recognize that my church is a good, bible based church.  I believe the Holy Spirit led me there and has taught me much as a result.  I also recognize that I am a child of God, not a child of my church.  So, it is ok if I don’t agree with something they are doing.  God is big enough to be glorified in all things and to deal with all things as He sees fit. 

Looking at it from this perspective changes so much.  It’s not for me to decide what direction my church goes.  It’s up to me to continue to follow Christ wherever He leads me and leave the rest to Him.  I’m ok with that. 

I may be looking for another church though.  Not so much because of being offended but more so because I want to worship with people who know me.  My church is so large that I can come and go and not one person would miss me.  I sit there in the midst of thousands of believers and I know only a handful and rarely am I able to sit with friends as we go to different services and in different sanctuaries.  That makes me feel very lonely.  It just may be that it’s time for me to go and find a more intimate church.  I’ll go where the Spirit leads.