These past few weeks have been a snowball effect of bad stuff. I had a minor little hurt feeling over something one of the cub-scout leaders said a month or so ago. It wasn’t anything to intentionally hurt me at all but it left me feeling like I was just a girl trying to pretend I was in charge of this pack when actually, the men are. From there it seemed everything started spiralling down hill. I began to feel I was no good for anything to anyone.
I was able to explain to my husband that I felt this way to him and we worked through that. But, like Shreks philosophy, like onions, there were layers….many layers. My children seemed to not appreciate my efforts towards them and I was just the village idiot to them. My small group family also seemed to be getting in on the act when I led group a couple weeks ago. People complained that I was arrogant and sarcastic. But of course, they didn’t tell me face to face, they went to the leader of our group and told her in the strictest of confidence. I got the message but now I get to face these women every week and never know who I offended which is very unpleasant.
Then there is, of course, the worries that the business my husband and I are starting up is a controversial thing. It is a trading card game business and I know the teachings of my particular church are such that these are evil. So I’ve been dealing with the possibilities, or fears, of being asked to leave the church or being asked to step down from leadership.
So, I could not get out of the pit. I spoke openly and honestly with my small group leader about all of this and she told me she would fast and pray for me for a day. Well, I had not thought of doing that for myself. So I decided to fast and pray for 3 days after having read in the book of Esther and how she called a three day fast. I’ve fasted before but never really felt led to do it. This time I really believe I was being led by the Holy Spirit.
My experience was not some miraculous, all my troubles are completely gone thing. It was more of a heightened awareness of Gods presence in my life and a lifting of my spirit so that I was not feeling depressed or oppressed anymore. What ever happens next is nothing that my God can’t handle.
I wonder what experiences with fasting others have had. If you read this and you’ve fasted before, would you care to share your story?